Life....sometimes it's beautiful, sometimes it's scary, sometimes it's frustrating, and sometimes it just hurts. Today has been one of those it-just-hurts times.

Due to the nature of my mother's dementia, she has no concept that she has any problem at all....and she fully believes that she is not only capable of taking care of herself, but of helping take care of my dad. Consequently, she believes she is being held against her will at the nursing home, and that if I loved her, I would make it possible for her to go home. Usually, I am able to deal with all of it without too much problem....today was a little tougher. It hurt to see her so frustrated; it hurt to know she doesn't understand; it hurt to know that she was so angry; it hurt to see her upset with my dad; it hurt to hear her say she doesn't believe I love her. But what hurt most of all was knowing that there is absolutely nothing I can do to change any of that!

It also reminded me how God must feel (not that I am comparing myself with him....far from it) when I get frustrated, when I don't feel His presence, when I question what He is doing in my life......OUCH! I am so grateful that He cares enough to keep loving, keep nurturing, keep guiding, keep encouraging.....you get the picture. So I take my example from Him, and I will endeavor to keep showing my Mom love in any way that she will allow (today she "threw me out" of her room), and will keep praying that God will give her (and me, and my Dad) a measure of peace. I guess this is one of those "we see through a glass darkly" times....so even in the midst, I will keep trusting Him because His promises are true....and my love for my Mom is true.